Fidelia's Sisters: An online publication by, for, and about young clergy women, published by The Young Clergy Women Project.

As far as I have seen, the factors involved in our wedding behavior fall into three categories: Politeness, Professionalism, and Personality (we love alliteration!).

Politeness - I'm no Miss Manners, but basic human courtesy is the ruling factor here.  Did you receive an invitation?  If so, your presence has been expressly requested, and it's polite to attend unless you have another pressing obligation.  However, it is not safe to assume that the converse is true.  I've performed a number of weddings in which I was not sent an invitation, but the couple asked me personally to attend the reception (sometimes as an afterthought during the post-service photographs).  Now I avoid the awkwardness by simply asking during our sessions before the wedding if they would like me to participate in the reception.

Where bringing a date is concerned, my advice is again to follow the invitation, whether it was verbal or on paper.  This is still my advice if you have a significant other, or even if you are married, by the way.  If the couple invites a "plus one," then feel free.  If not, you are not entitled to add to their guest list.  Of course, there are a number of reasons why you might choose not to bring a date even if one is invited, but we'll get to that under "Personality."

Professionalism - Ministers walk a fine line at receptions.  If we are too staid, the rest of the guests are inhibited by our presence, and come away continuing to feel like clergy are a separate, more serious, and generally more boring species than humans.  If we try too hard to be "of the people," we risk making idiots out of ourselves and scandals out of our professional lives.  No one wants to be the drunken minister caught making out in the bathroom with the best man - even if that story would provide entertainment for years to come.  So, how do we know how where the balance is between Puritan and Party Pastor? 

Observe, observe, observe.

Just getting to know the couple will give you a lot of hints as to what kind of crowd this will be.  If that's not enough information, the rehearsal is a great peek into what their friends and family are like, and how comfortable you will be with them.  Once you have a read on the rest of the party, tone your own appearance and actions just slightly more conservative than the average wedding guest.  For example, if the rest of the guests are taking ample advantage of the open bar, it's completely acceptable to drink within your limits.  It's probably not so appropriate to engage in an Irish Car Bomb competition with the bridal party.  If everyone is dancing, feel free to get your groove on...but stay clear of the skeezy photographer bumping and grinding his way through the crowd. 

The wardrobe question depends upon the formality of the reception, your role in it, and your relationship with the couple.  If you've been asked to continue your religious function at the reception, as in blessing the meal, professional-looking garb like a suit will probably be the most fitting.  If you're worried about being too stiff, a quick change of accessories can help you make the shift into party mode.  If you'll simply be there as a guest, you may be most comfortable changing from your officiant outfit into something more similar to what the rest of the guests will be wearing.  Robes make this easy: unzip and go!  I've done complete wardrobe changes to go from The Minister to Wedding Guest Extraordinaire, but I usually save that kind of transformation for weddings of good friends.

In short, have fun, but keep in mind that people are still seeing you as that person who stood in front of the church holding the Bible.  A little incongruity is okay, but there's no need to explode their worldviews, nor put a mental picture in their minds of big, flashing "Hypocrite!" sign over our heads.

Personality - Much of your reception behavior will be determined by your personality, plain and simple.  I have clergy friends who would rather be strung up naked from a telephone pole than dance at a reception, but then, I suspect they would feel much the same about dancing at their own weddings.  If I go to the reception, I almost always dance, because I enjoy it.  How much and how enthusiastically I dance depends on how well I get along with the couple and the other guests. 

Here we return to the question of whether to bring a date.  I rarely do, even if invited to do so.  First of all, my supply of friends who are willing to be subjected to the torment of strangers' weddings is fairly sparse, and I try not to abuse those who are kind enough to be willing.  One never knows when I might actually need them.  Second, unless you're in an actual relationship, a wedding is not exactly great date territory.  I have a hard time imagining bringing a casual date to any wedding, let alone one where I also have to be my professional self.  Third - and yes, I know some of you are about to grimace here - weddings can be great places to meet people.  I like to keep my options open, on the off chance that I might hit it off with one of the ushers (note: the no making out in the bathroom rule still applies).

But then, all of this comes from a raging extrovert who adores meeting new people and can count on not being bored or isolated even in a room full of complete strangers.  If you're on the shyer side, bringing a date can help you feel more at ease.  If you come as part of a couple, you're also far less likely to be seated at that awkward table of unclassifiable extras, which can turn the most gregarious person into a shrinking violet.  Not to mention that the presence of a date severely decreases the likelihood of the aforementioned creepy photographer making lewd comments about your legs.

I know, I know, it seems like a lot to take into account - and more questions than answers.  But then, that's how so much of ministry is.  The Gospel somehow gets embodied in us, as much when we're tearing up the dance floor as when we're speaking the Declaration of Marriage.  If we are true to ourselves and to the ministry to which we are called, we can't go too far astray.  Remember, we might be the only "church" some of those wedding guests see.  If we can present to them both the divine and the human, both the reverent and the fun, all the better.   

Do you have questions about life as a young, single minister? Or maybe you have stories of your own experiences. The Single Rev's Guide to Life welcomes submissions at singlerev.ycw@gmail.com.